Have you ever felt really stupid because you wanted someone who but know it would never work but want to try it anyway? Well that’s how I’m feeling right now. I don’t know if it’s just a rebound thing or whether it’s really what I want. And it’s like I’m wanting to prove to him and me that it would work, just for the sake of wanting to prove it. Now how stupid is that. I just keep thinking about him and stalking him on facebook and waiting for him to come online so I can talk to him. Also I’ve like told him things that I don’t think I’ve told anyone else except my friend the gorgeous girl. Some stuff I don’t think I’ve even told her. I mean what’s that about? It’s like because it’s online and not in front of me I can spill all of my skeletons. It’s not like he hasn’t known some before, we were together kind of once and he was like my best friend, I used to tell him everything, so I am thinking that maybe I’m just falling into old habits again. I’ve known him for years and we have spent years apart yet everytime I speak to him it’s like we never stopped talking. I mean we tease each other and talk about stuff we kind of used to, I guess it just seems kinda natural and easy. And maybe that’s what I want now, coming from hard and complicated. But I think he still feels weird and awkward about it all. And he likes this other girl and I don’t want to get in the way of that, I mean it wouldn’t be just to prove my point but I’m not going to tread on any toes or squash any happy endings that might be forming. I guess I can’t admit any of this to him, he’ll think I’m a nutcase - although I’m quite sure he already does. But I guess over all it’s shown me that I do have the strength to move on and have had time to heal and Maybe am possibly ready to try something new.

God where is the gorgeous girl when I need her!

X