I don’t know what to say. I’m tired, sad, embarrassed, humiliated and just plain wrecked. Sitting here in this uncomfortable silence makes me want to scream and cry. But I needed to come back, I couldn’t over stay my welcome and after two days I’m already sick of living out of a duffel bag and I want to sleep in my bed. But he won’t talk to me, he won’t say what’s on his mind and it makes me want to hit him all the more. I have stopped hating him or being mad at him, I have started to become confused and not understand him. I’m disappointed in the way he handled everything and feel like a down right fool for not seeing the signs sooner. Or maybe I did but I didn’t want to acknowledge them. I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to stay and try to fix this. Whatever this is, I suppose its a dis-jointed friendship. I don’t want him back, but some much of me misses him. It’s so frustrating not being able to touch him and talk to him the way that I used to. But that is why I left, and I wasn’t going to come back. But for some insane reason I felt like torturing myself some more and seeing his beautiful face. He seems scared and every now and then I catch him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. It’s like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what. And I don’t want to ask, I shouldn’t even be here after all. If not for an appointment tomorrow I would be at my parents house. Other friends have offered me places to stay but nothing is as good as my own bed. It may be lonely and bare but its mine and no one can take it away from me. Not even him, since he’s taken every part of my heart already.

I almost keep wishing I hadn’t of asked and had of stayed blissfully ignorant of the situation. Right now we’d probably be lying in bed nursing our hangover’s together from the party I was supposed to attend the night before.

I just I wish I knew where to go from here.